The Roller Coaster Ride Continues....Leading to New Challenges!

     This past week has been a little rough on me.  Friday, the 15th, would have been our 16th wedding anniversary.  I went to work that  day and I stayed real busy, no time for those thoughts!  But at the end of the hectic day, as I am unwinding and driving home in my old truck.  It hits me, I mean really hits me.  It's hard to explain, I get so mad at myself for breaking down, giving in to tears and sorrow.  I feel like I'm not in control of myself.  These feelings and memories just overwhelm me sometimes and I hate it!  I don't want to be the weak, teary eyed widow...(you know how I feel about that word!)  I'm no good at this grieving thing.  I wish there was a timeline, tell me how long I have to feel like this, tell me how long until I don't get blindsided anymore.  So I have decided that things are picking up at work and I am going to bury myself in my job and my art shows, until I can come out feeling like me again.  I get so mad at myself, I spent the weekend wallowing in my self pity and getting absolutely nothing accomplished.  I don't have time for this behavior.  My home sometimes feels like a black hole in space.  If I don't get out early in the morning, I will spend the entire day lost inside..no matter how pretty the weather is, how much I want to go do something it's like I just lose time and I lose myself.  So there was the downside to my weekend on Sunday morning I did finally head out and went for a nice long ride with Gracie and my camera, we enjoyed the sunshine and warm weather, but I still didn't feel good about myself.
     As you may remember from my last post, I had a interview for a supervisory position at work.  Well, I went to that interview and I felt good about it when I came out.  So that was last Tuesday, today I went to work, took my lunch break and when I came back, I checked my email.  There was the letter offering me job!  I got it!  Now comes a whole new wave of feelings....can I do this, am I ready to take this position, am I crazy for leaving the job I love and will I succeed at being a leader...not a boss...a leader.  I'm excited, yet doubtful.  I'm not sure if that makes sense or not.  I think that due to my circumstances and where I am in my life; with nothing else or anyone who requires my time other than my furbabies,  That this could be a very good thing.  A chance to bury my grief and sorrow in this new endeavor, pay off the debt I was left and that we have incurred.  Maybe I can treat myself to a new or newer truck later this year...Or maybe, just maybe...I can retire early, say within the next ten years or so.  I still want the time to do my photography, because after all; that is my sanity and I love doing the art shows.  As of right now....the roller coaster is on the upswing, I'm hoping it stays there for a long time.  I have had enough of the deep, dark downhill slides.
     So, I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who gave me words of encouragement and that had the confidence in me that I was lacking at the time.  Once again, my friends and family have provided me with the emotional support I needed to get through my time of self doubt.  I love you!

Changes....Is this what I want?

     Hey ya'll!  I know it has been a long time since I have written.  Life has been going well for the most part.  More Ups than Downs.  The Downs still hit me hard but not quite as often.  It seems I manage to come out of them quicker.  In general, life is good.  I got to see my brother and his family last month, that is always a treat, his girls are growing up so quick and turning into beautiful young ladies.  I have done a couple art shows out on Saint Simons Island and I have been truly Blessed.  The weather was good and the sales were awesome.  Some of my best shows yet!  My full time job has been wonderful!  I work with the best group of people, all of Shop 31 is special to me, but my guys in the Air & Hydraulics Shop are without a doubt the Best.  I am proud to say I am part of that group.  I tell everyone, I have the best job in the shop, I love my job!! 
     So, here come the changes...I have decided the best way to deal with grief, depression, death whatever you want to call it, is throw yourself into something else.  I have decided to throw myself into my work and into my photography as much as possible.  They are hiring for some supervisor positions in Shop 31.  I use to want this job so badly, but it never worked out and I backed out for a while.  But now I'm thinking I have no other responsibilities to worry about and maybe now is the time to commit.  I'm thinking if I can manage to get selected and to do this, if I put my all into it....Maybe I can retire early...like in ten years or so.  I can get out of debt and build my nest egg, and thinking of buying a new truck later this year.
     I submitted my Resume, the best I think I have ever put together and apparently it paid off.  I made the "Cert" as they call it.  Now I have been scheduled for an interview.  This is where I lose all my self confidence...can you believe that??  I can be Bold as Brass sometimes...ok most times.  But when I step into that room, it's like my brain stays in the waiting room.  My interview is scheduled for 9:30 Tuesday morning, as in tomorrow!  I have been reviewing everything I think they will possibly ask about safety, employees, contracts, duties, command policy, EEO, sexual harassment....sexual harassment could be my downfall!  Although, I harass everyone equally.  I do not discriminate!  I hope that counts for something!
     So, I know I am rambling and I don't really know what I want.  But I am going to give my best!  If you happen to think about it....cross your fingers for me tomorrow morning.  Keep on Smiling!