Another Letter to You...

     I know it's been a few weeks since I last wrote to you and I sure do wish I could talk to you!  I guess your cell won't get a signal...  Baby, I miss you so much.  My afternoons and evenings, which use to seem so rushed and never had enough time or hours in the day, now they just drag on endlessly.  I never knew the night could last so long, especially when sleep doesn't come easily.  I miss you laying beside me, rubbing my back, snuggling, and kissing me good night.  This bed is way too big for just me.  It's too big for me, Gracie, Sam and Susie if she would stay up here with me.  Our fur babies miss you something terrible too.  They are at my feet constantly.  I have my huge teddy bear that you bought me a few years ago for Valentine's Day, I even put on of your sweatshirts on it,  The one I bought you from Cracker Barrel, it is so soft and still smells like you.  He sits on your side of the bed, he fills some space and I often lay with my head on its chest and think of you.  I can't believe that it has only been eight weeks since I lost you, some days it feels just like yesterday and other times the way the day drags on it seems so much longer. 
     I know you tell me not to question why God does what he does and everyone says you're "in a better place", I always thought our place was a good place.  Not a castle, but it was ours and we were together.  I'm trying to understand His plan, but I still keeping thinking of our plans.  The future we had planned.  Some people say my life is easier now, I don't have to worry and I don't have to take care you.  That makes me so sad when they say that.  I never minded helping you or doing for you, yes I guess I would get flustered sometimes...but I think you knew, that if I minded or if I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't have.  I know you would have done the same for me.
     I know I'm going to get through this, I am doing better and getting my act together.  Things have been a bit hectic at work lately, but it keeps me busy, that part of the day goes by quick and of  course my guys I work with are the best.  They keep me on my toes and keep my mind occupied.  I hear there are some job openings coming up; planner and supervisor, I find myself considering this more and more, it may help fill the void.  It would definitely help out financially, let me get out of debt and possibly retire early, like we talked about.  My fear is that I won't have time to do my Art Shows and Photography, but then again...lately the drive to do my photos has not been there.  That and the fact that I love my job right now, the position I'm in, the work I do and the people I work with.  I don't think I want to leave the shop for a planner job and sometimes I'm not sure if the supervisor role is really for me.  You know I'm not very politically correct, I speak my mind out loud and I will probably get fired for harassment or hostile work environment when I throw something at someone...Ha Ha.  I wish you were here to give me your input and suggestions.
     The weekends....I miss our weekend adventures!  I try to go out and ride, the dirt roads aren't the same without you telling me how to drive, where to turn, to keep my eyes on the road...  I have been taking Gracie with me, but she gets whiny when I go down an old bumpy dirt road.  She still likes when we go "puddling"  she loves to watch the splash of the water.  I took her to Jekyll the other day and we were on the road around Tidelands with the white rock and sand, this was after it rained with giant puddles.  I hit everyone of them for her, she was barking and the little tail was just a wagging, until the wind caught the water and splashed back on her...little miss priss didn't care for that and my poor old truck is covered in that white dust and mud.  Dad was teasing me about it the other night.  Mom and Dad, of course, have been wonderful.  We are spending more time together and going out to dinner, they have come over here a couple times to visit, Dad has been keeping the grass cut and trimming up the trees.  I don't know what I would do without them.  I wish you could see them with their smart phones.  Dad is using your LG and he loves it!  They sure do keep me busy with "Tech Support" sometimes, but I don't mind.  I'm just glad they finally came into the 21st century.
     Michael Hulett is playing at Mary Ross Park tomorrow from 10am to 2 pm.  I think I'm going to go down and see them.  Michael and Jim are such wonderful people and they miss you so much too.  Michael is so talented and staying really busy.  I'm afraid if I don't get to see them this week, I won't get to see them for a long time.  Hoping he doesn't play "Our song" until I get there.  I know I will be tearful, but it is only because of my fond memories.
     Well Baby, I must admit writing this little letter to you has made me feel better.  I have always found some comfort in writing.  Again, I know I am going to get through this, it is not easy and I know you wouldn't want me to quit living.  You were always my biggest fan, you always told me I could do anything and succeed at it.  Right now, this is my biggest challenge...getting over missing you.  I find myself smiling more and crying less at all our memories, I think that is the way it should be.  Until next time....I love you and miss you Baby!