Another Letter to You...

     I know it's been a few weeks since I last wrote to you and I sure do wish I could talk to you!  I guess your cell won't get a signal...  Baby, I miss you so much.  My afternoons and evenings, which use to seem so rushed and never had enough time or hours in the day, now they just drag on endlessly.  I never knew the night could last so long, especially when sleep doesn't come easily.  I miss you laying beside me, rubbing my back, snuggling, and kissing me good night.  This bed is way too big for just me.  It's too big for me, Gracie, Sam and Susie if she would stay up here with me.  Our fur babies miss you something terrible too.  They are at my feet constantly.  I have my huge teddy bear that you bought me a few years ago for Valentine's Day, I even put on of your sweatshirts on it,  The one I bought you from Cracker Barrel, it is so soft and still smells like you.  He sits on your side of the bed, he fills some space and I often lay with my head on its chest and think of you.  I can't believe that it has only been eight weeks since I lost you, some days it feels just like yesterday and other times the way the day drags on it seems so much longer. 
     I know you tell me not to question why God does what he does and everyone says you're "in a better place", I always thought our place was a good place.  Not a castle, but it was ours and we were together.  I'm trying to understand His plan, but I still keeping thinking of our plans.  The future we had planned.  Some people say my life is easier now, I don't have to worry and I don't have to take care you.  That makes me so sad when they say that.  I never minded helping you or doing for you, yes I guess I would get flustered sometimes...but I think you knew, that if I minded or if I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't have.  I know you would have done the same for me.
     I know I'm going to get through this, I am doing better and getting my act together.  Things have been a bit hectic at work lately, but it keeps me busy, that part of the day goes by quick and of  course my guys I work with are the best.  They keep me on my toes and keep my mind occupied.  I hear there are some job openings coming up; planner and supervisor, I find myself considering this more and more, it may help fill the void.  It would definitely help out financially, let me get out of debt and possibly retire early, like we talked about.  My fear is that I won't have time to do my Art Shows and Photography, but then again...lately the drive to do my photos has not been there.  That and the fact that I love my job right now, the position I'm in, the work I do and the people I work with.  I don't think I want to leave the shop for a planner job and sometimes I'm not sure if the supervisor role is really for me.  You know I'm not very politically correct, I speak my mind out loud and I will probably get fired for harassment or hostile work environment when I throw something at someone...Ha Ha.  I wish you were here to give me your input and suggestions.
     The weekends....I miss our weekend adventures!  I try to go out and ride, the dirt roads aren't the same without you telling me how to drive, where to turn, to keep my eyes on the road...  I have been taking Gracie with me, but she gets whiny when I go down an old bumpy dirt road.  She still likes when we go "puddling"  she loves to watch the splash of the water.  I took her to Jekyll the other day and we were on the road around Tidelands with the white rock and sand, this was after it rained with giant puddles.  I hit everyone of them for her, she was barking and the little tail was just a wagging, until the wind caught the water and splashed back on her...little miss priss didn't care for that and my poor old truck is covered in that white dust and mud.  Dad was teasing me about it the other night.  Mom and Dad, of course, have been wonderful.  We are spending more time together and going out to dinner, they have come over here a couple times to visit, Dad has been keeping the grass cut and trimming up the trees.  I don't know what I would do without them.  I wish you could see them with their smart phones.  Dad is using your LG and he loves it!  They sure do keep me busy with "Tech Support" sometimes, but I don't mind.  I'm just glad they finally came into the 21st century.
     Michael Hulett is playing at Mary Ross Park tomorrow from 10am to 2 pm.  I think I'm going to go down and see them.  Michael and Jim are such wonderful people and they miss you so much too.  Michael is so talented and staying really busy.  I'm afraid if I don't get to see them this week, I won't get to see them for a long time.  Hoping he doesn't play "Our song" until I get there.  I know I will be tearful, but it is only because of my fond memories.
     Well Baby, I must admit writing this little letter to you has made me feel better.  I have always found some comfort in writing.  Again, I know I am going to get through this, it is not easy and I know you wouldn't want me to quit living.  You were always my biggest fan, you always told me I could do anything and succeed at it.  Right now, this is my biggest challenge...getting over missing you.  I find myself smiling more and crying less at all our memories, I think that is the way it should be.  Until next time....I love you and miss you Baby!

Widow...

Widow....that is a word I associate with little old ladies in black dresses and veils.  How can I possibly be a widow?  I'm too young, I don't own a dress, let alone a black one; I have some gray hair...but not that much, really and I don't do veils!(that would be way too girlie).  I don't like being called a widow, or referenced to as Don Mumford's widow.  I am Don Mumford's wife!  Yes, he is gone, believe me, I know he is gone.  But why do we have to use the word widow.  Another thing I associate with that word...widow..is of course the Black Widow Spider and anybody who knows me, knows how I feel about spiders. It is NOT a good thing.  (Spiders could be removed from God's green Earth for all I care....I hate the creepy, eight legged, web weaving arachnids!)
Being called a widow, to me, is an instant reminder of death, of the loss I am experiencing, of the last moments I spent with Don, how we were smiling and laughing, how he kissed me as they wheeled him away, how I told him I loved him and would see him in a few hours..... when the doctors came out to tell me he was gone, of the intense pain and agony I felt at that exact moment.  When someone refers to me as Don's widow; it all comes rushing back in a whirlwind of emotions, I mean I actually feel lightheaded and uneasy in my stomach.  How can one word have that much power?  How am I going to get passed this?  I don't like labels or stereotypes...I'm just Debbie!

Losing My Mind, Losing Time, Feeling Pain and they call it "Normal"??

     I had an extra long weekend, it started with my crazy Friday; was suppose to go though to Monday with Martin Luther King Day and back to work on Tuesday.  I know I sound like a broken record but things in my head are getting worse, the pain in my heart is sharper and more constant.  I try to keep busy during the day.  I was working in the yard Monday, it felt good being outside and working with my plants, so I run around to Don's shop to get my shovel and I start looking around at all his things and how he managed to rearrange things, build things while not being able to get around so good and not giving in, he just kept at it.  I sat down on one of the chairs, admiring him for his tenacity and memories start flowing, I'm smiling thinking about how much he enjoyed being out here..."piddling", as he called it.  I just zoned out, next thing I know tears are flowing, my face is wet and almost thirty minutes had passed.  My heart was racing, my stomach was queasy and I felt shaky.  I honestly have no idea where that time went.  It seems to be happening more frequently.  I pulled up in the yard the other day in my old truck and was looking at the front of the house, the ramp, the Nissan and twenty minutes later I realized I was still in the truck. 
     This morning I woke up early, it was not a very restful night, got my clothes together, got my morning wake up call, chattering away at the fur babies...sat down to put my fuzzy socks on, 'cause dang it was cold this morning... and BOOM out of no where my heart starts racing, I feel queasy, shaky and crying my eyes out.  Why??  I don't know.  So thirty minutes later Al calls back cause we chat on our way to work everyday and asked what was wrong...my reply, "I don't know, my head is screwed up".  He starts about going to counseling and talking to somebody, that their are people who go through this everyday.  Well, I'm  not real good about letting too many people into my head or heart.  I can't picture myself in a support group or group counseling.  I know a lot people find comfort in that, sharing their experiences with others who have or are travelling that same road.  Honestly, I don't know if I can handle hearing about someone else's misery.  I feel bad enough.
     So I figured I would let my fingers do the walking and started looking up how to handle the grief of losing someone suddenly on line. I think that is the hardest problem I have...is the suddenly part.  Anytime to you lose a loved one, spouse, friend or family member it is difficult.  I have never handled death well.  I rarely make it to a funeral and almost never to the casket, open or closed, I just don't want to remember them that way.  But, I have been fortunate to not lose many people close to me, I mean really close to me.  Anyway, the suddenly part kills me.  I didn't get to say goodbye!  It was "I love you and I will see you soon baby", Don kept saying "don't worry, everything is going to be fine, it's all in God's hands and I love you too baby".  We were taking selfies and pictures of him with his surgery cap on as he was leaving the room.  It wasn't suppose to be a goodbye.
     So, I go online and find out that I am not going crazy.  That what I am experiencing is somewhat typical.  Many call it "Grief Work", 'cause you have to work to be able to deal with the loss.  The discouraging part is there is no time line, no order of events, everyone deals with it differently.  So with this knowledge that I could be losing my mind indefinitely, I also decide to call my family doctor.  They were so kind to take me right away.  They are very familiar with Our Story.
     So, I tell Doc what is going on and how things seem to be getting worse, how I am finding it more difficult to deal with life without Don, that as time passes it is hurting more. how I am losing time, zoning out and all of the above.  He says it's normal...I can't believe this could be normal...that I am experiencing anxiety attacks and that he could help me with some temporary meds to get me over the hump....but that I should also speak to a "Grief Counselor".  That is not really what I wanted to hear.  I expressed to him, how I don't really open up to strangers, I don't like people to see me at my weakest moments, I don't like people to see me cry and that I don't really think that is "My Thing".  He assured me this person is great, they will put me at ease and maybe they can help me to start healing.  He would no longer hear my lame excuses and said he would set it up.  I guess we will take it "One Day At A Time", I have decided not to brood on this counselor thing...at least not until they call to schedule my appointment that is.
     I do know that something has to give.  Things can't really get back to normal, my normal was taking care of Don and he is gone.  I guess I need to find a new normal.  Then again Normal and Debbie aren't often in the same sentence.  Ha!   I do however, find some comfort in writing this blog and I am sure one day I will look back on it and think...boy I was a wimp. 

     I will keep praying that God will give me strength, enlighten me and continue to care for my family and friends.  I don't know what I would do without my family...parents, brother, fur babies and friends are too many to list but I do owe a special thanks to Kenny who makes me laugh, reminds me of the "Days of the Empire", shops with me via text messages at Wal-mart and listens to my sorrows and to Al for my morning wake up call, our morning conversations, listening to me wallow in my grief, for not giving up and continuing to push me to get help.  Friendships and relationships are funny the way they can endure time and pick right back up, like nothing happened.  Thank you! 

Why can't it all be that easy?

One of "THOSE" Days

     Did you ever have one of "those" days?  You know it is like unwritten law that "those" days should not occur on a Friday, on Friday before a long weekend or anytime during a weekend.  I have been having "those" kind of days frequently lately.  I don't know what is wrong with my head, I can't seem to focus on anything for longer than a few minutes, thoughts, feeling and all that emotional junk run through my head all the time.  I can't turn them off.  It use to be only at night, but lately....  I mean it's not all bad, the memories I have are wonderful and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  Memories are the one thing that nobody can take away from you.  While you sigh and smile at the memory, my thoughts go straight to the fact that he is gone and we will never experience anything together ever again.  Anyway, I think the constant change in thoughts it overloading my brain, 'cause let me tell you I can do some Stupid stuff lately.
     So back to "those" kind of days....Today, I woke up at my usual time 4:30 am.  I even have an old friend call me every morning just to make sure I get my sorry self out of bed.  Got up, got dressed, grabbed my stuff, even some tangerines for the guys at work and off I went.  My friend is a truck driver, So Monday through Friday not only does he wake me up every morning, but we talk on our ride to work.  It's 35 miles, passes time and allows us to catch up.  He has been there for me through a lot of tough times.  He is free therapy.  We couldn't talk long this morning, he had to off load the truck.  I drove in listening to the radio, got to the main gate at work, all is good, got to the second gate, got to say Hello to one of my friends who is the Security Guard, all is good.  I parked my truck, I was early, picked up my phone and was looking through some pics, the memories, emotions everything broke loose; I was a blubbering idiot sitting in my truck.  I sat there for over 30 minutes, tears flowing, blowing the nose, crying, (as much as I hate to admit it), hoping the guys don't see me.  I tried to pull myself together, now I'm all red nose and puffy eyes.  As I started to walk in, it just hit me again.  I went in and told my Supervisor, I would like to take the day off.  He took one look at me and said Go.  I have a good Supervisor and a great group of guys I work with, I think I may have mentioned that before.
     I called Al on my way home and tell him what a blubbering idiot I am and that I don't know what's wrong with me...so on so on.  I get to my house and I realize I do not have my house keys.  Now, I use to keep a key outside, but stupid me took it in the other day.  Now this is where it gets interesting...I have to break into my house.  I can't seem to convince, Susie, Gracie or Sam, (my fur babies), to unlock any of the doors.  I was unsuccessful with the front door, side door and the sliding door, (although I think I probably screwed the screen up on the slider).  So here is where my friend Sandi says I need to put a Go Pro camera on my head.  I move on to the windows! 
     So I pop the screen, (another casualty of my stupidity) and I get the window to open without actually breaking it!  (There's one plus for me).  Now, I have to get my friend the ladder....I don't think I shared my tangerine tree and ladder episode with you...let's just say it wasn't pretty and I have a bruise on my thigh that looks like I was hit with a 90 mph baseball.  Well, it is an eight foot step ladder, I have to kind of climb up it backwards, keep the window from falling on my head, keep Sam, the cat away from the window, tell the girls to quit barking.  Keep in mind, I am not a small woman.  So while hanging half way in the window and my legs hanging out, I am trying to re-arrange furniture, move the cat and I can feel the metal window frame against the front of my legs...I finally slide in scraping my legs the whole way.  The fur babies, were laughing at me.  All this excitement before 8:00 am.  So here I sit, with a new set of bruises on my legs, listening to the rain and writing to you, I hope you got a giggle or two and I certainly hope your Friday got off to a better start than mine...Just My Life

Time For A Little Road Trip, Dirt Road Therapy and Maybe Some Healing

     So far, today has been a good day.  Gracie, one of my fur babies, she's the little poodle, and I headed out early this morning around 6:00 am or so.  I would like to say Bright and early, but Lord knows there has not been much bright in the Georgia weather lately.  Speaking of weather, I have noticed a lot of alerts about river flooding and such,  I know the Altamaha over flows its banks a lot in Everett and I was speaking to my friend Mike, he performed the service for Don.  I tried to give him a little something for his time and he wouldn't have anything to do with it.  But he and his lovely bride, Angie enjoy my photos of the Lumber City Bridge, they have a couple prints from when the water was low.  So I decided to ride up there in search of a "high water picture of the Lumber City Bridge which spans the Ocmulgee River" so I can give them something special.
     So Gracie and I headed out Highway 32 and stopped over by Zirkle for some dirt road therapy, a run in the woods and sure enough the water along the Little Satilla River was high.  It was a nice pleasant drive.  Of course, it would have been better if Don had been with me.  I never worried about truck trouble, breaking down or how far we were going whenever he was with me.  This morning before I left, I caught myself, checking the oil, water and power steering fluid, which is a good thing.  But it is something I never had to worry about.
     Lumber City is about a hundred miles or so from Brunswick.  We hit all the small towns, Patterson, Alma, Hazlehurst and of course Lumber City.  I could not believe how high the water was.  I had to flip a couple u-turns, I could hear Don in my head saying "You can't do that", oh yes I can.  I got there just in time to catch a freight train running across the bridge.  I wasn't even sure if they used it anymore....see you can learn something new everyday.  I did manage to get some good shots and then we continued on up to McRae, I wanted to photograph the windmill also.  (If you are interested in seeing some of the photos you can check out my blog "The Beauty That Surrounds Us" at:  http://wildlifepersonalities.blogspot.com/  .  That is my photography Blog.
     I think our trip was it long for Gracie, she was getting restless and a little whiny.  On our return trip we came straight down Highway 341 through Baxley, Jesup, Gardi and a quick stop by the Altamaha River in Everett City.  But the Police wouldn't let us close to the river.  The road was closed about a mile before the park due to flooding and all the woods were flooded and the drains were running fast.
     We finally arrived home around 4:00 pm, all in all it was a good day. I did get some good pics and I most certainly thought about and missed my Don, but at least my eyes weren't leaking all day and I was able to smile at my fond memories.  Maybe healing is possible...I wish it could always be this easy.

Another Loss and Some Things I Just Don't Understand

     This evening I received some more bad news; my niece Vicki has passed away.  Vicki has had her share of battles through out life, but this last one, Cancer, reared its ugly head up out of nowhere and wreaked havoc on her poor little body.  Vicki is the daughter of Don's sister, Sue.  Sue has had a rough few years and has experienced more than her share of loss in her lifetime.  For the sixteen years that I have known Sue, she has been a caregiver.  She took care of her Mom, who was in her 80's, Vicki, her daughter who was handicapped with special needs and her husband Daniel who was an amputee with many of his own medical maladies.  She was taking care of all three of them when I first met her.  I thought to myself how does this little lady, take care of all these people so well, plus she usually cooks for her other daughter and her family.  She amazed me.  She constantly gives of herself for others.  Sue lost her oldest daughter Frankie to leukemia during her childhood many years ago, her Mom passes in 2000 shortly after Don and I married, she lost her brother Joe in June 2011, her husband in December 2013, her brother Don, my husband, in December 2015 and now she has lost her youngest daughter Vicki today.
     My heart breaks for Sue.  She has gone from devoting all her time to the care of others to having no one to give constant care to.  She has three other daughters who stand by her side constantly and I know their strength will get her through this most horrible time.  I am sure her faith in God, knowing Vicki is no longer suffering and that she has gone on to a better place will offer her some peace and comfort. 
     But I know from experience, it is the last thing you want people to say to you, "Oh, they are in a better place now, no longer in pain....and so on"  My poor Mom said that to me when Don passed and it hit me like a freight train!  I was very angry, telling her I found no comfort in that!  That I wanted him here with me!  We tell ourselves that they are in a better place, no longer in pain or agony and that they are with our loved ones that have gone on before us.  I try, I try desperately to believe this...that it is all part of His of a plan.  I don't understand His plan, when it causes so much heartache, especially to one person or one family.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in God, I say my prayers for my loved ones, I pray for strength and I pray for wisdom to understand.  I know Don is with me, I can hear him whisper in my ear, it is not our place to question...I can almost sense him some times; not physically, but emotionally...like a calm coming over me.  But I don't understand God.
     The selfish me still finds no comfort in that, I still want him here with me!  We had a plan, we had a future and we were a family....what was wrong with that plan?  Susie, Sam, Gracie and myself are left here with the pain of missing Don.  Sue and her family are left with the pain of losing many loved ones recently. 
     I guess, I just don't get the Big picture, the Big Plan.  It isn't the first time I have been told that!  I hope God doesn't hold it against me for my questioning attitude and maybe one day He can grant me with inner peace and a glimpse of His plan.
     God, please continue to Bless my family and friends, but please, please don't call any more home for a long time.  I don't know how much more I can handle either.  I don't think I am as strong as Sue.
    

A Letter to You....probably the first of many

     Well, it is Sunday evening after a long New Years weekend.  I think I managed the New Year pretty well for being alone for the first time in a long time.  I had a good cry, I held tight to my teddy bear that wears your sweatshirt and I had our fur babies beside me.  It doesn't help the fact that I miss you.  You know, I handle myself pretty well in the daylight hours.  I manage to keep myself busy with work and chores or Mom and Dad help occupy my time on the weekends, (I am so thankful for them), now with their new "Smartphones" I'm sure they will keep me hopping.  The nighttime hours are the worst!  I tell myself, "I will keep busy around the house until it's time to go to sleep and I'll be tired enough to nod right off".  But, that doesn't happen, I cannot lie down and go to bed without first thinking of you, missing you, wanting you beside me, my head on your shoulder and Gracie trying to worm in between us.....you left owing me a back rub.  The pain in my heart hurts as much tonight as the night you left me.  They say it will get better with time....How much time, I just don't know.  If it means I will begin to forget about you or love you less over time, then I don't see that happening.
     Sandi sent me a letter about death:

It is a beautiful letter and oh how I so wish it were true.  I agree that the time we spent together is untouched and unchanged, that what we meant to each is forever true, I still call your name, I still speak to you and you are never out of my mind....But everything has changed!  You are not here to greet when I come home, and though I speak your name easily; you don't reply, I don't get to see your smile or feel the warmth of your arms in a hug when I come home from work; there is nothing, I long to feel your hands on my shoulders as I sit and work at computer and there is nothing.  So how can it possibly be unchanged?  I know you are waiting, I know you are watching over me and I suppose there is some comfort in that.  But, it is not the same...Death may be nothing...but it changes everything.

     I know I am not suppose to question God, He has a plan, He knows what is right...But, you know me, I question everything.  How could He possibly think this right; to leave me alone here without you, after we have worked so hard to come this far.  I know you always say "when it's your time the Lord will call you home", well what determines when it's your time?  Did He take you to end your pain or suffering or did He take you because I did something wrong, is there something I need to be punished for?  If so, I wish He would let me know...I try to be a good person, I know I am far from perfect and I know I am not a churchgoer, but is this the price I have to pay for that?  You could never have found any one who would have loved you more than I did!  I guess I just don't understand how we can pray and pray and He takes you away from me the way He did.  Maybe you or someone up there can help enlighten me as to why?  It would be greatly appreciated!

     Then I often wonder, did we make the wrong decision?  Should I not have pushed you for the bypass?  Should we have opted for stents?  Should we have just gone home like you asked me once before?  I am tormented by these questions.

     Dammit Don, I miss you and I love you so much!  I am just as confused, bewildered and angry today as I was on that awful night that my whole world flipped upside down.....and they expect me to continue on as if nothing has changed....How am I suppose to do that?

     



Debbie, What do you mean: No Frills

     I had a friend ask me what I meant by "No Frills".  I had to chuckle, years ago my Mom shopped at Pathmark Supermarket in Pennsylvania and they had a brand called "No Frills".  There were no fancy ad campaigns, no pretty packages, no hype, just a white label with the name of the item.  Basically, what you see is what you get.  I guess that is the way I see myself:  what you see is what you get, especially when it comes to frills or frilly things.  My poor Mom so wanted a girly girl, one in frilly dresses, hair curled, make up and an office job.  Instead she got me: A blue jeans, t-shirt and boots kinda girl, a tomboy, a blue collar worker, a bit of a Redneck, a girl who doesn't mind getting her hands dirty, who likes driving an old pick up truck, running the dirt roads and who wants nothing...absolutely nothing to do with frilly dresses.  Thank God she loves me for who I am. 
    So anyway, the way I see it, a person should not have to put on airs for anyone.  If you can't accept me for who I really am, why should I try to be something I'm not? 
     So getting to know me: here are a few things about me and how I am.  I like to think of myself as an Optimist, things can always change, they can get better, it can be fixed and people are good at heart.  I try to be happy, cheerful and helpful.  I try to see the bright side of life and the good in all people.  This doesn't mean that I don't get sad, angry or mad, I just try to not let in get me down or dwell on it.  I try not to gossip, if it doesn't effect me or is outside my bubble, I let it go.  This does not mean I don't care about what happens to others because I do, I always seems to stand up for the underdog.  But people's personal business is just that...personal, if they want me to know, they will tell me. I don't have to pick it from the Grapevine and it certainly is not my place to make public.
     I am however; a smart ass and I know it.  I can be flippant at times, I am quick with a comeback, I specialize in Sarcasm and even considered brash and bold.  I often tell my friends and family...I'm not right in the head, I'm weird and I know it and I'm OK with it.  But in my defense, I work with men all day, I have done this for 24 years, I am a product of my environment...and besides...someone has to keep them in line....just kidding.  In all seriousness, I would have it no other way.  I love my job and I love my guys.  In the world of political correctness, sexual harassment and sensitive feelings, with my guys I don't have to worry about this, we aren't politically correct, sexual innuendo runs rampant among us and we all know better than to bring our feelings to work.  We do our work and try to have fun and laugh at the same time.  They are the Best.  They accept me for who I am, but they will be quick to agree that I'm not right in the head!  Ha
     I am bad about not always letting people get close to me.  I have lots of friends and I love them all, but rarely do any get to the inner sanctum.  As my friend Al says, I have high block and concrete protective walls built up around me.  He says he is going to knock them down one day.  I tend to be friends with men more than women.  Maybe because I work with them all day and I know they have my back and I can trust them.  Don't get me wrong, I have female friends, not many close ones, but I have a some.
     Currently, I am suffering.  Suffering the loss of my husband of 15 years, My Don.  My life damn near revolved around Don for the last 2 1/2 years after his accident and many medical problems.  This I try to do alone.  You know how it is, I don't want people to see me cry.  Anyway, I don't think I am going to heal as quickly as I thought.  There is a very large void in my life now.  Since I have those so called...big old walls around me.  I don't emotionally share this loss with anyone and I am good with that, it's the way I am made.  I don't mind being alone, well, I'm never alone, I have my furbabies and they are the only one's who really know all my secrets.
   That, my friends is where you come in.  Ha ha, you can't see me crying while I'm at the computer.  So. I am hoping you will allow me to share the good times and the bad with you through my writing.  Help me push through this difficult journey and maybe through this I can get an understanding of why things happen the way they do and why God works the way he does.  I miss Don something terrible.
     Well, here I go again getting off track, that seems to happen a lot lately.  I have been seriously lacking focus lately.  Anyway this is me..."No Frills", what you see is basically what you get.  I hope I don't offend anyone and if I unintentionally hurt your feelings, please bring it to my attention.  I welcome any and all constructive criticism, positive feedback or ideas to get me through this.  Remember it is a new year, a new chapter, you can always find a reason to be grateful and remember there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse than you do.  When you look at the big picture, objectively, we often see how Blessed we are and that our troubles or problems are minor and petty in the game of life.
  

Getting To Know Each Other

     Hi my name is Debbie.  First of all Happy New Year!  As you can tell from my profile, I have a job and I love it, I have a passion for photography and capturing the Beauty that Surrounds Us, I love the Georgia Coast, I love my poor old blue Chevy Pick Up Truck and I love exploring the dirt roads.
     I have my Family, I am Blessed to still have my Mom and Dad here on Earth with me and living close by me here in coastal Georgia.  I have a brother and his two beautiful daughters living in Pennsylvania, which is where I moved from 24 years ago.
     I have my furbabies, Susie aka Fat Susie is the oldest at about 15/16 years old.  She is Lhasa Apso/Terrier Mix, a small dog, (well she is suppose to be small), she was starving when we met and she hasn't missed a meal since.  Sam, he is a man of the house.  A soft little furry kitty cat that wouldn't harm a fly and then...there is Gracie.  She is the baby at 4/5 years old.  She is a Poodle and she knows she is too cute and that her place should be on your lap and your job is to rub her belly all day long!  They are all Rescues.  I use to think I rescued them, but lately I am realizing, they are rescuing me.
     I have extended Family, many Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, In-Laws near and far.
     I have my TRIDENT Refit Facility Family, more specifically my Shop 31 Work Family.  And I don't care what any one says, we are a true family, sometimes a dysfunctional family but a family nonetheless...we don't always get along, we don't always even like each other sometimes and that is OK, that is normal.  But when it comes to someone in need, they are there.  At least they have been there for me, on numerous occasions.  They have always stepped up to the plate and helped pick me up when I am down.  I don't know how I would have gotten by the last few years without them.
     I have my Festival Family, this is the eclectic and talented group and people who stand with me rain or shine, wind, cold and blistering heat to share our passion, the fruits of our labor with the public.  You should never underestimate this group of Treasures.  The support and love they have shown me in the short time I have known them is overwhelming.  Many have suffered tragedies of their own, they all work hard at what they do and they all have an unbelievable compassion for others. 
     Then there is my Social Media Family, My Facebook Family.  This is where many of my Families overlap and it is wonderful.  As silly as it sounds, it is amazing how much you can be a part of someone's life that you may have never met, or rarely see.  In some cases the impact is huge.  You can follow their travels, their happiness and joy, their trials and tribulations.  I can speak from experience, just knowing someone out there is thinking of you, praying for you, offering words of encouragement, taking time from their day to let you know that you matter; can make all the difference in the world.  To know that someone met you on FB and was so impacted by the pain or hardship you are going through, that they feel the need to take time from their busy schedule to look you up in person, to give you a hug of reassurance, a smile, a kind word and to let you know that you are not alone...it is very powerful and positive.
     What I don't have is My Don:  My husband, My Other Half, My White Knight, My Life Partner, My Friend.  You see, I lost Don on December 3, 2015 after open heart bypass surgery, they lost him in the recovery room.  To say my world has flipped upside down is an understatement.  This is a topic I am sure I will be re-addressing in future posts.

I have always liked to write and with the New Year starting, I thought maybe it would be good therapy to write about my feelings, focus on the good times we had, things that I am grateful for, figure out where I am headed in the future, trying to remain positive and to share this Journey into 2016...a new chapter begins.